Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
