somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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