Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
