he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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