all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
