She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
