She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Congratulations! We have a period
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
