thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
