Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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