My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I forget how to act sober
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