I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
