Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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