Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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