There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
3pm strippers are depressing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
