Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
