OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize