Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
