just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
