it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
