My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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