I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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