turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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