im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
