You're completely useless in the revolution.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
