the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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