im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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