I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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