it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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