so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
