We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
