Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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