i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
