I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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