4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I look better un-naked...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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