im six kinds of drunk right now
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
