ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
