Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So vagazzling was a success
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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