xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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