Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
