apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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