I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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