It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
