I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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