i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
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I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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