Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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