Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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