hotel room ftw
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
