never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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