Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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