um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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