In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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