someone threw a dead crab at me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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