There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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