he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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