Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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