mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
