I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
