Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
