wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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