Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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