i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
