and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
