You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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