I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
