Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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