i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
