cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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