I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
