im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
