You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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