At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
