I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
