It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love you.
Bad choice
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