i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
